Falling

Why we use the phrase “fall in love”? Why is love associated with falling? As if one drops from a height, secure with a birds’ eye view of his/her world into a deep, vast abyss. Unmapped territory, riddled with complexities but marked with promises of untold joys, immense riches. You are a brave explorer, ready to “fall”, fascinated by these seductive possibilities.

So who is this elusive creature we call Love? How do we spot him or her? How does Love slowly, but surely invade your being? This process of falling was in many ways a colonisation of the heart. Love changes forms. Sometimes its arrival is an event. Like a big, red bus it hits you in the face and you have no time to brace yourself for impact. However, that’s not always the case. This time, Love entered so slowly, so inconspicuously that I wondered for the longest time if it really was Love, even though the signs were all there. He arrived unremarkably enough, pleasant but not overpowering. With kindness, patience and good old fashioned charm, he slowly nudged his way through. Then, drunk on passion, bit by bit he chipped away the wall I had built. Granted, the walls were weak and my soldiers untrained in the sophisticated techniques of advanced, modern day warfare. Long before I knew all lines of defence had been breached. Slowly at first and then all at once, I had been encroached. I was exposed, at Love’s mercy. Surely Love felt what I felt too? Surely Love couldn’t be blind to the unique appeal of falling, getting rid of that constant, overbearing weight- the pressure of being on your toes, of guarding one’s heart?

Falling in love is indeed about letting go, of exploring emotional intimacy without boundaries. But what does one do when Love himself doesn’t want to fall? When Love isn’t ready to plunge, to jump into whatever this feeling is? Do you stop? Do you run into a corner and cry? Do you wait? Or do you hope against hope Love will stop fearing this moment and trust you? What if Love doesn’t love you, and you were only a moment of indiscretion, a harmless dalliance that snowballed into this somewhat unpleasant, intense, emotionally charged encounter?

Maybe you should just wait for Love. Be patient with Love. Perhaps, he will come back, the same Love you once knew. Maybe he will return, unrecognisable in form but not in essence; following the same beaten track and manage to surprise you, still.